A week in Centre Parcs during the heat wave

Massive place. Costs must be enormous. So expensive, but it is everywhere. Busy. Walking or bikes. I thought on occasion some bikers were just as dangerous as cars. Houses and facilities good quality, nothing tired. Activities well organised. Staff pleasant.

This is NOT an ad for Centre Parcs. Whenever we said where we were going, our mates said take a full wallet and toilet rolls. Almost a sport, knocking it. Yes, but we had no issue with the experience as a whole.

I can't think of a better spot to survive the heat - Whinfell Forest near Penrith, Cumbria. With a ready-made den.

Mum and granny like their fizz.

Matthew supervised two barbecues until we discovered they were not being sold in the shop. Banned, everyone has had an email according to the checkout lady. We'd not.

Ideal cul-de-sac for safe scootering. Granny showed some style. Grandad watched on, trying to keep a straight back. Not old at all.

Wildlife. Is it a pheasant? Pecked me and drew blood. I was okay. The pheasant was not seen again. It certainly looked poorly. Rabbits of varying sizes. Very small red squirrels, soon gone unless they are eating. Little scurrying furry things as well. Birds, pigeons and ducks.

A full-size bowling alley. Granny and grandad were hopeless. It's another sign of something. As was our reluctance to join activities which were bewilderingly numerous. Indoor, tennis varieties, roller skating, paint a pot, photography, nature studies and more. Loads outdoor - the crazy golf a bit tame. Walks, little cars, build a den and so on to an aerial tree top something which induced dizziness looking up. Beginning to feel my age - bugger. I always had my seat back at the digs.

There was a sports bar. A beer and Fartown losing to Salford. 

A leisurely cruise overlooked by a swimming temple and pancake eatery. Emily spies the zip wire. It was accompanied by an eerie science fiction noise. The treetop walk sound effects were screams of girls wanting to get off. Bottom of the lake is a popular pub with food. Emily and Jenson swam daily. The greenhouse effect was immense. I made it once.

Winning 'stuff and outfit' a bear. Rainbow and Chris, now you see me now you don't, (after Chris Rock, slappee of Will Smith). The staff member was pleasing.

Great week, albeit confirming that I am less fit and able than I was. I'm the only one who is surprised.